Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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