I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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