Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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