Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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