I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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