if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize