You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize