Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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