god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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