I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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