In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize