that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
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My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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