She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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