I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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