i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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