You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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