Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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