He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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