Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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