she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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