If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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