having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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