i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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