My nipple is on Facebook.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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