I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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