You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
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How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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