We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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