did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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