My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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