I am in a vortex of obligation.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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