well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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