Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
