Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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