I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize