I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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