you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
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Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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