just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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