I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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