He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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