I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
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Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
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Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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