This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
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I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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