I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
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