I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
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Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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