also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
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That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
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There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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