matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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