Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize