you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize