just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize