why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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