He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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