I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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