That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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